


whirl goes to therapy

by ApatheticRobots



Series: the good doctor, in the context of involving so-called 'doctors of divinity' [1]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, I'm not a therapist but I've gone to enough appointments that I can fake it til I make it, Introspection, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Projection, Rung is a Good Doctor, Therapy, Whirl has ADHD, ambiguous setting, emotional honesty, that's my new favorite tag i think, this is so niche its not even funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25406518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApatheticRobots/pseuds/ApatheticRobots
Summary: Self-explanatory title. Whirl has an appointment with the ship's therapist where he talks about, like, feelings and stuff.
Relationships: Rung & Whirl (Transformers)
Series: the good doctor, in the context of involving so-called 'doctors of divinity' [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862869
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	whirl goes to therapy

**Author's Note:**

> i miss rung :(
> 
> not beta read bc i didnt wanna wait for my one transformers on main friend to proof it for me. also the title was really just the working one so i could find it in my docs again but i really couldn't come up with a better one.
> 
> rated t for this is so sad soundwave play despacito and also swearing
> 
> the 'ambiguous setting' tag is there because i dont know exactly when this takes place and i dont care to figure it out. fuck consistent timelines all my homies hate timelines.

Whirl couldn't count on both hands the amount of times someone had told him that maybe he should go to therapy. The reasoning behind his inability wasn't that people hadn't told him enough (or that he was bad at math), it was that they'd told him way more than four times. In fact, he probably couldn't count the amount of times on both his old hands either. Folks took one look at this faceless/handless self-destructive borderline sociopath and said "hm he's probably not healthy." And they would tell him it would help if he talked to someone about it.

Here's the thing, going to therapy was actually pretty easy. You found an office that was accepting patients and walked in. You sat down in the chair. The difficult part came when you actually had to _talk_. 

_Going_ to therapy was easy. _Participating_ in therapy was a lot harder 

Because that involved facing your problems and feelings instead of shoving them down into an easy-to-ignore box. Yes, burying your emotions wasn't healthy, but neither was staying curled up in your berth for weeks on end because you were so lost in your own thoughts that you ended up at risk of offlining because you hadn't eaten anything.

Which-- in Whirl's defense-- that'd only happened to him maybe four times. So in millions of years, he had a pretty decent track record for functionality. He was very good at ignoring the things that were bothering him.

Unfortunately, now he had "friends" and stuff.

Friends or something like it, people who wouldn't let him brush off their concerns or pretend he wasn't five minutes from a breakdown. Some of them were just nice, like Tailgate, but some of them were worried he'd be a danger to himself or others if left unchecked, like Ultra Magnus. So at the insistence of several individuals, he found himself standing outside Rung's office once a week at his allotted appointment time.

He was even making proper _appointments_ now instead of just barging in and interrupting whatever Rung's in the middle of. These people were a terribly good influence on him.

"Good to see you, Whirl," Rung opened with as he did for all of their sessions. He always sounded completely genuine when he said it, too. As though anyone could actually be happy to see Whirl.

Wait, no, those were the kind of self-deprecating thoughts that Rung didn't like. It was not impossible for someone to be glad to see him.

"You too, doc." Whirl plopped down on the sofa, careful to not accidentally poke a hole in any of the cushions. "How's your day been?" He only sort of cared about the answer. He did care, because if anyone had been bothering Rung they were going to get a pointy claw to the face, but the nitty gritty of Rung's day mattered not at all.

"Oh, it's been fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Yourself?"

He was very good at keeping the attention off himself, which was unfortunate for Whirl because, unlike the rest of the time, having the attention on him during these appointments was not great. Even if that was kind of the point.

"Can't complain. I watched Swerve faceplant and Rodimus trip over him a couple seconds later, that was neat."

The raise of an eyebrow had Whirl thinking maybe that wasn't something he should think entertaining, but Rung doesn't say a word about it. The therapist had at least learned to pick his battles by now. Getting Whirl to stop finding the suffering of others funny was more difficult than getting him to stop bottling up his feelings. Not a _lot_ more difficult, but somewhat so. Watching Rodimus make a fool of himself was the closest thing they had to a comedy TV channel around here.

"Anything specific you wanted to talk about today?" That was another question Rung always asked. Sometimes Whirl said yes, but more often the answer was a solid no. 

Today was much the same. "Not really."

Rung sighed, but rolled with it. "Well, let's continue where we left off last week, then. We were discussing your inability to accept strong emotion, right?"

A yellow optic narrowed at the therapist, but his query was affirmed with a "Right." Whirl did appreciate that part of Rung's methods-- he didn't try to sugarcoat anything or use some weird meditation exercise to get Whirl to voice his problems. He prompted Whirl to talk about a certain thing, and after enough time, drew a conclusion that was right 99% of the time. Even if he pissed Whirl off sometimes, he can't deny that Rung was a damn good doctor.

"Let's go from there." He pulled a datapad out of a stack of them on one side of his desk. "So, as you've said during previous sessions, you have an unconscious tendency to stifle strong emotions when you feel them. Mostly sorts like sadness, or guilt, the kind that make you feel bad in a way that drains you. The only negative thing you seem to let yourself feel in its fullest form is anger, which you express through physical violence. Am I on track so far?"

"On track and speeding down the rails, doc." Anyone could tell you Whirl had anger issues, but hearing it come from a professional was a lot different.

"Right." He tapped at the datapad in his hands. "I have a question for you, Whirl."

"Shoot."

"What makes you happy?"

He squinted at Rung again. 

"Take your time."

That should probably have been a simple question, but if Whirl could have answered it easily he wouldn't be sitting in this office right now. He was almost tempted to say 'violence,' but that didn't make him _happy_ so much as it makes him feel in control of a situation. It was a little depressing how long he spent thinking about an answer that was both honest and healthy.

"Clocks," he finally settled on, and he can see the brief surprise in Rung's expression before it was schooled back to careful neutrality. "I used to make watches, right? Was pretty damn good at it. These big ol' things aren't really good for that kind of precision work" --he clicked his claws together a couple times-- "but they don't have to be my clocks. The old kinds, the ones that still tick, I like those. I’ll settle for basic digital alarms, though."

"Hm." Some more tapping on the datapad. "Just clocks, or any kind of small machinery?"

"Just clocks." 

"I see. Anything else?"

He still couldn't say violence, because that didn't sound good, but-- "Low-stakes combat. Like, a spar. Not fighting because I want to do damage," even if that was the reason a lot of the time, "but fighting more as exercise. Y'know?"

"In theory. I'm not exactly built to take _or_ deal hits," Rung said, gesturing at his skinny frame. "So sparring-- is there anyone on board you can do this with?"

Whirl almost didn't want to answer, but he did so anyways with a sigh; "Cyclonus. Now that he doesn't want me dead, at least." 

"Just him?"

"Yep. Everyone else that's big enough to fight me either wants nothing to do with me or would sooner kill me than fight me for fun. So Cyclonus is just about it." Which he didn't mind. The not-a-Decepticon was pretty decent when he wasn't going after Whirl with a sword and murder in his eyes.

"It's good that you've got a friend."

"That's-- _friends_ is a bit strong, I think."

"Is that not what you are?"

"I think we're more 'mechs in close proximity who both don't like anyone else,'" he couldn't really do air quotes with his claws, but the thought was there. "I don't like him. I just…" _appreciate that he's here,_ Whirl almost finished, but didn’t because it sounded a lot like what he might say about a friend.

Rung just raised an eyebrow at him again. "Let's move on from that for now. Mind going back to the topic of your emotions?"

He sighed. "Okay."

"I've noticed you're not the most… _expressive_ of mechs." He raised both hands before Whirl could say anything, "not in a physical way. I'm not poking fun at your body. I mean in terms of the emotions you allow yourself to outwardly feel. The feelings you allow other mechs to see are severely limited when compared to the full range of emotion I believe you're capable of feeling. You allow yourself to be seen as angry, or excited about something that contributes to the chaotic persona you have, and that's about all. Why do you think that is?"

There could be a lot of reasons behind it. Wreckers weren't exactly known for their open attitudes, and neither were Empurata victims. So an Empurata'd ex-Wrecker? Probably not likely to be sharing their feelings with the world around them any time soon.

Whirl himself was also not known for being emotional. Like Rung had said, he'd get angry or he'd get hyperactive, but that was about the extent of what others saw from him. Genuine cheer wasn't common and something like real sadness was _right_ out. He almost told Rung that since people always expected the same from him, he'd started expecting it too and subconsciously suppressed the emotions that didn't match his image-- that sounded like something Rung would say-- then he thought for a few more seconds and decided _no, that wasn't entirely it._

"Because those emotions are…" He looked down at the tile floor. "...Easy?"

Rung tilted his head. "Easy how?"

"They're-- safe." He huffed, irritated with how difficult it was to put his words into thoughts. "They're expected of me. When I get mad or hyper, folks just go 'Yep, there goes Whirl, the crazy bastard' and leave me alone. But it's been so long that I've been doing that, and these days if I do something genuine I get people looking at me like I've got a second head or something. And they start asking me if I'm _okay_ and how I've been _doing_ and it's kinda neat being checked in on, you know, but I also don't want some slagger I barely know prying into the nitty-gritty of my messed up processor."

"So by keeping yourself confined to the emotions people are used to seeing from you, you're able to stay within your comfort zone of socializing. Any uncomfortable questions will be under _your_ terms."

"Right, yeah." Rung really was good at his job. "I do feel those other emotions you mentioned. Happiness and sadness and all of that. I just… don't show it. And they never seem to last very long, anyways. Positive or not. I get mad, to the point where I'm ready to attack someone about it, and then a few kliks later I'm just," he waved a claw, "chill."

Rung hmm'ed. "It's good that you don't stew in negativity, but it's unfortunate that this also applies to positive emotions. Is there anything that makes you happy for any extended amount of time?"

"Well, my clocks. I get to fixing one of them and even if it pisses me off having to work with these big ol' things, I'm still happy the whole time I'm working on them at all." He could get to work and look up when he was done to find hours had passed without his processor going dull again. It didn't happen every time, but it was fun when it did.

"I could call that hyper-fixating. You focus so deeply on one thing that generates the signals that make you happy. It usually applies to things one has a particular interest in. You'll become slightly unawares to the world around you, and a lot of time can pass without you noticing. Even to the point where you'll forget to do something like rest or refuel. Does that sound accurate?"

"Right on the money, actually."

"Mhm. In that case, I can pretty safely say the reasoning behind your inability to hold onto strong positive emotion could be thanks to an electrical imbalance. That's something Ratchet may be able to help with-- I could write you a prescription, if you would like?"

Whirl shrugged, fidgeting with his claws. "Not yet?"

"We'll wait, then. You're not a danger to yourself or others, and you seem to be coping well enough with the routines you've made for yourself, so I'm not worried if we can't find professional ways to help you with all of it."

Who knew honesty could be so rewarding? "I… thanks for letting me figure scrap out on my own time."

Rung smiled. "I know how important being in control of your situation is to you, Whirl. That's something I would also like to discuss at some point, but we're almost out of time for today, so I'll just say this; while I want to help, so long as you're safe and operational, I'm not going to impede on your way of doing things. Your comfort comes first and foremost."

"...Thanks."

"You're quite welcome." He glanced at the clock on the wall. None of them needed it, of course, internal chronometers became standard hardware _ages_ ago, but Rung always said it gave him a sense of 'familiar comfort.' No one could ever figure out exactly what he meant. Whirl was among them, the exact machinations of Rung's thoughts were a mystery to him as well, but he could understand an object that was technically considered useless being nice to have around. (Maybe that was why he liked Rung so much? Wait, that thought was rude, nevermind.)

"Same time next week, then?" Whirl asked as he got to his pedes.

"I look forward to it." Rung began sorting through the datapad on his desk. "If you see Rodimus, send him in, will you? He's been avoiding me as of late."

"Sure thing, doc."

_Really,_ Whirl thought as he left the office, _I don't know why he's being such a pain._ Rodimus was supposed to be their captain, wasn't he? Set a good example? (Whirl had to laugh.) Avoiding his appointments was awfully irresponsible behavior.

He didn't see what all the fuss was about. It was no paint off his chassis. After all, _going_ to therapy was the _easy_ aspect.

It was realizing you actually had to _participate_ that made it so hard.

**Author's Note:**

> me? psychoanalyzing and trying to give therapy to myself by projecting the idiosyncrasies of my strange emotional responses and ADHD onto fictional characters? its more likely than you think


End file.
